When I heard of the pending castration of Mr. Potato Head, I responded with an eye roll that actually hurt my eyeballs. But, the more I got to think about it; everything in my kitchen is just so offensive. If you can’t beat them, join them!
Why are we stopping at the potatoes people? Never fear, I will fix it!
This is the syrup formerly known as Mrs. Butterworth. Now, how in the world do you know she is married???? She doesn’t need a MAN to give her BUTTER some WORTH. She is now Ms. Butterworth to you.
I’m sorry, but do MEN only get hungry for some pancakes? I find it completely a sign of toxic masculinity that only a man like Jack could be hungry for some carbs! Are you calling me fat? I’m offended. These are now Hungry Jack or Jill pancakes! You misogynistic fools.
Don’t call me “Honey” or “Sweetie”! It’s sexist! Again, I feel deeply offended by this and we aren’t giving credit to the bees and the struggle they face birthing this delicious nectar. You will now all be putting Bee Juice in your tea. You are welcome.
All this getting offended is making me thirsty ….
Oh, come on!!! “White” Claw? “White”??? Enough said. That goes straight in the garbage.
Just as it seemed to take the world from 1978 until now to truly listen to the words to Greased Lightening and classify the the movie, Grease as “a bit rapey”, I soon discovered after leaving my kitchen to enter my laundry room that the offense continued. What if I don’t WANT to Snuggle? What if I just don’t want static cling???? I find that so presumptuous! You rapey little fabric sheets!
Oh …. EXCUSE me! Men don’t clean. Why is he gender appropriating floor scrubbing? The last time a saw a man do that is when he lost a bet or spilled a White Claw … I’m sorry … I mean Claw.
And, let’s not forget my bookshelf so tall … I’ll throw away books as I cancel them all … Seuss is a racist and not a doctor on call … I’ll replace it with Fauci’s brand new tell-all.
It feels kind of good to be on this side of the insanity. If you have a business, a cookie, a favorite drink, a toilet bowel cleaner; I wouldn’t wait for the mysterious cancel mob to get offended and come for your names to castrate you! Begin the castration now! You are “Mr.” nothing, “Mrs.” nothing! The lunatics are firmly running the asylum. So, get ahead of them and start the less offensive new logos now!
Pretty Political 