I am not a joiner. I was not a cheerleader when all of my friends wanted to be cheerleaders. At almost 5’9″, and completely no athletic ability, they told me I could be a “base”.
“What’s a base?“, I asked.
“You can be at the bottom of the pyramid on hands and knees to form the base“, my young girlfriend replied.
“So … you are telling me that I get to go out in the cold and rain on Friday nights in a miniskirt and have other girls stand on my back to cheer on guys playing a sport I don’t understand … tempting … but, um no.” I stared blankly back.
I never wanted to go to Times Square to see the ball drop, don’t much care for football tailgates, I don’t understand where people pee. I don’t get the concept of having huge groups of people, giving them alcohol and then having a bathroom a good marathon walk away in the cold. It’s one sneeze away from catastrophe. It is even a struggle for me to go to a crowded mall at Christmastime without secretly dreaming of transforming into the Tasmanian Devil and spiraling through people that just randomly stop in front of me to look at nothing.
Therefore, when things like protests and rallies come up — I think hard on two topics — sociology and urology. First and foremost, I don’t get where and when they pee. I don’t see random Port-O-Johns out there. “Hey, Bartholamew, can you hold my Molotov Cocktail … I had too much Green Juice this afternoon and have to go.” I have watched them riot and march all year and wonder if they are all doing that with wet panties. Just … so much chaffing. I also remember, quite vividly from Sociology Class that the mob mentality is a very, real thing. It becomes almost psychologically impossible to resist the urges of the crowd for even the strongest minds. Case in point, the image of the young teen looting Legos from a Target. Legos. Star Wars Legos.
Now, call me crazy and crass, but I am pretty certain that kid was no longer on a mission for social justice. That kid probably didn’t even like Star Wars. No, wait … he was kind of nerdy, so he may have liked Star Wars. But, I am BETTING when that kid went out that night, he wasn’t like, “If the crap really hits the fan … I’m gonna get myself some Legos.” Mob mentality took over. He saw people rushing into the broken window. He followed. He saw people grabbing things. He grabbed things. He committed a criminal act, for Legos. Legos. But, that wasn’t even a part of his consciousness anymore.
I am absolutely for the 1st Amendment Right to peacefully assemble and free speech. I like ALL the Amendments, they are cool. But, when we decide to gather in these huge, huge crowds when everyone is pissed … super pissed … can we please stop acting shocked when things go awry? It’s actually getting awkward to watch people squuuuuueeeeeeeze outrage out of their bodies like a 10 pound baby when every sociological study ever done would tell you that mob mentality will take over and you will get the results that we get. It pains me to see people act so dumb. Ugh, unless they are that dumb … than that might be the bigger pain.
Giant protests don’t do anything. I really hate to be the bearer of that bad news. Do you think the country is less racist now? Um … pretty sure it isn’t. Did burning that Wendy’s down somehow release some sage smelling mist across the land that make people more tolerant. Um … pretty sure it didn’t. Perhaps it released some asbestos and grease and jacked up the business owners insurance rates or made them join you in the unemployment line. But, you solved nothing. Sorry. You just didn’t. Nothing good came from yesterday, either. A lot of money was spent by people to travel there … but, did anything change? A woman got shot in the neck and died. Did that change anything?
I know people want to be active and make changes. We all hunger to be a part of something. I mean, I don’t. I like to hermit and write stuff. But, I know many of you do want to truly be a part of fixing things. I am all with you guys with that (as long as there are adequate places to pee). But, we really need to be smarter. We just LOVE to “ban” stuff or break stuff. Except NEITHER works. Ever.
How did banning Goya work out? I think more people are eating beans now than ever. Lots of Republicans, eating Goya beans, straight out of a can, scooping it out with two fingers like, “suck my Goya beans, AOC.”
My favorite banning of all times is Chick-fil-A. How many years ago was that? I didn’t even know there WAS Chick-fil-A’s outside of malls. Now … they have double decker lines and have clearly hired air traffic controllers to get people through the lines of people piled up for chicken … a chicken sandwich … not a life-saving chicken sandwich that gives you super powers and also makes you lose weight because their food is magically formulated to not have calories. Nope, it’s just a regular chicken sandwich.
I don’t have all the answers. Actually, I have very few. But, I do have the suggestion that perhaps the current strategies to create peace or change or compromise … whatever it is your are looking for … perhaps large groups and banning things isn’t exactly accomplishing what you want and another strategy should be considered. I don’t know, like civil discourse, sitting down with people and discussing differences peacefully and coming up with a common ground that can be accepted. I know … I just wrote that. I was laughing when I wrote it … so, that should count. It’s the correct, non-corrupted mature way to handle things. But, now it seems we are as far away that as those freaking Legos are from Target.
Pretty Political 