Month: January 2021

There are multiple theories on what makes us human. It has been pondered by philosophers from Socrates to Plato over the years. It has been studied by scientists from many different fields from biology to paleoanthropology. The simple act of even contemplating what makes us human, indeed makes us human.

Do you know within all those studies, 11 factors stand out as key factors that separate us from animals?

1. The Larynx (the Voice Box)
2. The Shoulder
3. The Hands and Opposable Thumbs
4. Naked, Hairless Skin
5. Standing Upright and Bipedalism
6. Blushing Response
7. The Human Brain
8. The Mind: Imagination, Creativity and Forethought
9. Religion and Awareness of Death
10. Storytelling/Episodic Memory
11. Biochemical Factors

Why is this so important to understand during the Coronavirus pandemic? Because the angst that we feel, the depression, the fight in many of us to return to “normal” isn’t rebellion.

It is us … collectively … missing being human, mourning being human, longing to be human again.

1. I miss sitting and talking with someone close, maskless, guiltless — laughing from my belly with all my breathe, with no concern I am harming anyone by doing so or risking my own life.
2. I miss using my shoulders to lift my arms in an impromptu hug to an old friend I have run into at the grocery store.
3. I miss the handshake at the beginning of a business meeting — that immediate read you get on someone on how limp or firm they take your hand, how their eyes meet yours in that moment.
4. I miss the touch of brushing up against someone while wading though a crowded restaurant fearlessly.
5. I miss standing in line at a movie theater to get tickets — the smell of the popcorn, the racing to the back to get the best seats without anyone next to me; not because their closeness scares me, but because I can’t stand hearing strangers chew.
6. I miss turning jokes dirty and making myself blush at the office and my co-worker teasing me for turning my own face red.
7. I miss being stuck behind that same school bus on the way to work every day when the same little kid would be late for school, every, single, day and would come running out all flustered and cute. I’d sit and wait and remember back to when my boys were that young and cute dragging backpacks to school that were heavier than they were.
8. I miss going to a crowded concert to listen to live music; feeling the bass in my chest, a lyric moving me, the energy of the crowd bringing the music to life.
9. I miss being invited to endless weddings and baby christenings and sitting in a packed church with tears in my eyes about the fresh beginning of new lives and families — touching hands with strangers, “peace be with you“.
10. I miss meeting with friends to tell a loud, animated story about the 20 different crazy things that had happened to me since the last time we met up. And, having them return the stories and have us all giggle and interrupt, talk over one another.
11. I miss being human to my core, deep into the genetic portions of me, to all of us, that are wired so differently than animals that it makes me aware of how much I miss the first ten factors.

So, as we sit … after almost a year … isolated to supposedly stay alive … to “save” humanity … perhaps we at least honor that in that attempt we lessen all the things that make us human. This won’t be our new normal, because it can’t be our normal. Or, we erase the very things in us all that make us human. You are asking us to devolve … to live. And, that isn’t a choice many of us will find tolerable to make.

Nor, should it ever be.

We miss being human, and we should … because in that longing lives humanity.

I had the Inauguration on in the background as I worked from home today. It was as uneventful as I thought it would be. I am relieved the 25,000 troops that were brought in for what appeared to me to be a dog-faced pony show at least got to see Lady Gaga in her Hunger Games outfit and typical cast of career politicians in coordinating outfits looking so proper. I mean, talk about 14 days late and a dollar short! The show of force AFTER 1/6, seemed a heck of a lot like taking the pill after you are already pregnant, but I am sure there was a reason for it. (I mean … no reason I will ever know because things in D.C. often seem weird to me and then when I say that people call me a conspiracy theorist or paranoid). Apparently, only Oliver Stone is cool for not buying everything they portray, so I will drop it because I don’t want to end up in one of Katie Couric’s reprogramming camps. Of which, I am imagining as run by Matt Lauer showing old reruns of The Apprentice and shocking me with his creepy desk buzzer every time I smile.

Today we got to see the Washington D.C. we expect — a return to normalcy. A parade of well-clad people that smirked behind walls (that were immoral and don’t work), protected by armed men with guns (that are bad). It was a return to the decency of smiling to your face while setting policies that will put your lights out while enriching themselves. Alas, the return of career politicians that pander to the side they are supposedly on while catering to super pacs and big corporations because that’s who finances their campaigns. BUT, they will be classier in the process of repeating the cycle Washington D.C. has ran for years, and isn’t that what matters most? We don’t care how they screw us to serve themselves, we just need them to be more well-spoken while doing so.

That return to normal made some sigh a huge breathe of relief and others puke a little in their mouth. It’ a pretty wide range of emotions. I could hear the speeches faintly in the background, every once in a while I would walk by the television and catch a commentator crying (cringe, there’s no crying in television! Stop that crap!) And, the one word that I kept hearing repeated over and over again … “unity”.

Do you know what I heard?

If you have never watched the Dave Chappelle’s entire ‘Unity Ring” bit, you are missing out on a good laugh that many of us may need today. I would post the entire thing here, but it would offend someone. And, since I am now not certain if offending someone warrants getting dragged off the a deprogramming camp, I will just post the highlight.

Unity! Unity? Are we going to come together now that the swamp has returned all its proper creatures to their rightful slimy places of power? Is the press going to be able to survive four years of asking what flavor ice cream he likes or giggling like school girls while asking Vice President Harris how to address her husband.

*Giggle, blush* – Is it Second Husband? Or, is it First Second Husband? BARF.

I am going to ruin the suspense … no.

Now, I would very much prefer we stop ripping each other to shreds over manufactured differences and biases that don’t actually exist. It would be fantastic if we could go back to the run-of-the-mill discourse that never went much further than calling someone an idiot. Oh … the good old days … when you could simply call someone a moron and move on. I miss those days. I’ve called many people a moron in debates and stayed friends with them — primarily because they were morons — but, whatever.

I think a lot will have to depend on the rhetoric the current D.C. creatures continue to spew out like Linda Blair after a full meal. I think a bit will depend if the media wants to keep chucking that same rhetoric at people for ratings. And, I think the remainder will depend on which promises Biden is going to choose to keep or break. Let’s face it, he got his votes because he wasn’t Trump. I view him now as the strawman stuck between the moderates tugging on one side and the extreme socialist tugging at the other side. And, then the poor guy is just there in the middle like, “Wait, where’s Hunter? Don’t give that kid another damn laptop.”

I think if the rhetoric dies down and we stop with the below the belt antics and accusations, if people would stop mentioning reprogramming camps and trying to strip people of degrees, if big tech would stop targeting only Conservatives … well, we still won’t unite. BUT, it can be more of the Rick James and Charlie Murphy kind of fights again.

Also, if you really want unity … un-ban Trump from PornHub. (That one was just rude)

I am not a joiner. I was not a cheerleader when all of my friends wanted to be cheerleaders. At almost 5’9″, and completely no athletic ability, they told me I could be a “base”.

“What’s a base?“, I asked.

“You can be at the bottom of the pyramid on hands and knees to form the base“, my young girlfriend replied.

“So … you are telling me that I get to go out in the cold and rain on Friday nights in a miniskirt and have other girls stand on my back to cheer on guys playing a sport I don’t understand … tempting … but, um no.” I stared blankly back.

I never wanted to go to Times Square to see the ball drop, don’t much care for football tailgates, I don’t understand where people pee. I don’t get the concept of having huge groups of people, giving them alcohol and then having a bathroom a good marathon walk away in the cold. It’s one sneeze away from catastrophe. It is even a struggle for me to go to a crowded mall at Christmastime without secretly dreaming of transforming into the Tasmanian Devil and spiraling through people that just randomly stop in front of me to look at nothing.

Therefore, when things like protests and rallies come up — I think hard on two topics — sociology and urology. First and foremost, I don’t get where and when they pee. I don’t see random Port-O-Johns out there. “Hey, Bartholamew, can you hold my Molotov Cocktail … I had too much Green Juice this afternoon and have to go.” I have watched them riot and march all year and wonder if they are all doing that with wet panties. Just … so much chaffing. I also remember, quite vividly from Sociology Class that the mob mentality is a very, real thing. It becomes almost psychologically impossible to resist the urges of the crowd for even the strongest minds. Case in point, the image of the young teen looting Legos from a Target. Legos. Star Wars Legos.

Now, call me crazy and crass, but I am pretty certain that kid was no longer on a mission for social justice. That kid probably didn’t even like Star Wars. No, wait … he was kind of nerdy, so he may have liked Star Wars. But, I am BETTING when that kid went out that night, he wasn’t like, “If the crap really hits the fan … I’m gonna get myself some Legos.” Mob mentality took over. He saw people rushing into the broken window. He followed. He saw people grabbing things. He grabbed things. He committed a criminal act, for Legos. Legos. But, that wasn’t even a part of his consciousness anymore.

I am absolutely for the 1st Amendment Right to peacefully assemble and free speech. I like ALL the Amendments, they are cool. But, when we decide to gather in these huge, huge crowds when everyone is pissed … super pissed … can we please stop acting shocked when things go awry? It’s actually getting awkward to watch people squuuuuueeeeeeeze outrage out of their bodies like a 10 pound baby when every sociological study ever done would tell you that mob mentality will take over and you will get the results that we get. It pains me to see people act so dumb. Ugh, unless they are that dumb … than that might be the bigger pain.

Giant protests don’t do anything. I really hate to be the bearer of that bad news. Do you think the country is less racist now? Um … pretty sure it isn’t. Did burning that Wendy’s down somehow release some sage smelling mist across the land that make people more tolerant. Um … pretty sure it didn’t. Perhaps it released some asbestos and grease and jacked up the business owners insurance rates or made them join you in the unemployment line. But, you solved nothing. Sorry. You just didn’t. Nothing good came from yesterday, either. A lot of money was spent by people to travel there … but, did anything change? A woman got shot in the neck and died. Did that change anything?

I know people want to be active and make changes. We all hunger to be a part of something. I mean, I don’t. I like to hermit and write stuff. But, I know many of you do want to truly be a part of fixing things. I am all with you guys with that (as long as there are adequate places to pee). But, we really need to be smarter. We just LOVE to “ban” stuff or break stuff. Except NEITHER works. Ever.

How did banning Goya work out? I think more people are eating beans now than ever. Lots of Republicans, eating Goya beans, straight out of a can, scooping it out with two fingers like, “suck my Goya beans, AOC.”

My favorite banning of all times is Chick-fil-A. How many years ago was that? I didn’t even know there WAS Chick-fil-A’s outside of malls. Now … they have double decker lines and have clearly hired air traffic controllers to get people through the lines of people piled up for chicken … a chicken sandwich … not a life-saving chicken sandwich that gives you super powers and also makes you lose weight because their food is magically formulated to not have calories. Nope, it’s just a regular chicken sandwich.

I don’t have all the answers. Actually, I have very few. But, I do have the suggestion that perhaps the current strategies to create peace or change or compromise … whatever it is your are looking for … perhaps large groups and banning things isn’t exactly accomplishing what you want and another strategy should be considered. I don’t know, like civil discourse, sitting down with people and discussing differences peacefully and coming up with a common ground that can be accepted. I know … I just wrote that. I was laughing when I wrote it … so, that should count. It’s the correct, non-corrupted mature way to handle things. But, now it seems we are as far away that as those freaking Legos are from Target.

I remember being at an MMA fight at Stage AE in Pittsburgh. I had front row seats to watch a local fighter go against a fierce rival. The entire left side of the floor where I sat were the local guy’s supporters, seated immediately to our right was his opponents fans — bikers, lots and lots of very, large bikers. A lot of “smack” was being talked before the fight and that animosity seemed to be carried by the “gym” guys who sat with me and the giant bikers. I could feel the tension in the air and rather than converse with those around me, I scanned the room for the exits.

“Okay, the closest one is down around the dome, quick right, then quick left.”

The fight began and a quick kick from our guys opponent ended it as quickly as it started. It was almost like I heard a giant exhale and in seconds, both groups of guys in the stands rushed one another. I squirted out from in between the two rival groups like a determined sperm, saying to myself, “Nope, nope. Not today, Jesus. Not today.” I’m no coward, but I had just had my heart surgery and a blow to the chest would have killed me. Plus, it wasn’t my fight … it was no ones fight … but, the two guys that were actually getting paid to do it in the ring.

But, it’s hard to tell people that in the heat of the moment, isn’t it?

What we saw today was a culmination of years, maybe decades. I knew it was coming and wrote about it over a month ago in “A Storm is Coming.” No one would listen to me as I was starting to hear the same loud exhales as I did before the brawl at Stage AE. Our politicians are dividing us. Period. The two party system (which is a joke) is dividing us. There are powers at play much greater than what I could know what their true intents are — but, it’s clear that dividing us is the goal.

Why do we play along?

I know people very desperately want to blame Trump and Trump supporters for the storming of the Capitol. But, come on … we watched as Antifa burned and commandeered cities for almost a year during a pandemic and absolutely nothing was done. Those were the moments I started to panic. Being a Conservative, I was like that fight at Stage AE — seated with the “fans on the right”. I watched as the constant ignoring of Antifa by the Press and the Left kept riling them further and further up. I watched as some pretty ordinary people were starting to become radicalized by that. I spoke up about it. I IMPLORED people to stop the Antifa violence and they either completely dismissed me or said it was all part of 1st Amendment Rights.

The burning, looting, assault, violence, property damage that they were doing was NOT a thought. It infuriated me. But, I am not the type to go fight back. I am the loud mouth that will escape like a sperm out an emergency exit. But, the people you were inciting were NOT.

Did the media and politicians miss that? That would be the kinder answer.

Or, did they keep throwing gas on that fire because it makes good television or win votes? Because they ALL did their best to keep feeding these flames of division. WHY? I need everybody to stop for one second and ask themselves why? This government was supposed to be OF the people, BY the people and FOR the people. It hasn’t been that for a long, long time. Perhaps it took all of this to wake up to that fact. These idiotic “liberal” or “conservative” stances are dangling bait fringe issues that they have used for YEARS, way before Trump. Don’t you notice the same politicians or some variation of their family (daddy, son, brother, wife) keep recycling??? Each promising “change”, when the only “change” that comes is we hate each other more and more?

Something is very wrong. Just like the fight at Stage AE. I smell it in the air. I think a lot of you do, too. But, in this … we need to not look for the exit, but find each other again with our eyes open. We are being PLAYED. I don’t know why. I wish I were that smart or that connected to tell you why. But, I know a manipulation when I see one. Do you know what happened after that crazy MMA brawl at Stage AE? The two fighters in the ring actually became friends. All of those people that bare-knuckled it in the stands … they did it for nothing, nothing.

Find each other again. Or, the “United” States of America is lost forever.

Several years ago, at a local public school, an engraved plaque of Ten Commandments existed adhered to the front edifice of the building. Some lady decided it offended her. A battle, of sorts, began to take it down. Supporters printed yard signs with The Commandments printed on them. I believe the original woman managed to muster up some comrades to stand behind her on her campaign to remove the plaque.

I found the whole ordeal annoying. It’s a hard topic to argue. She had the law on her side. Public school, funded by government money, separation of Church and State — I get it. My sole argument was this, “Ok, then what comes next? Is this the going to become the norm?” I was met with SUCH resistance on that statement. People said I was being ridiculous, slippery sloping the issue and making it bigger than it was.

Well, well, well … look who was right!!! Can I get an Awomen on that?

Of course they caved and removed the plaque. But, as I think back on it now, was the message she so insanely wanted removed not actually some pretty decent pieces of advice we may have all needed?

1. You shall have no other Gods before me – No Gods before me sounds pretty good. It sure would help people not put politicians or public figures on the pedestals that they do. I mean, most of them barely deserve foot stool, let alone a high horse to sit on.

2. You shall not make idols – I’m cool with not making an idol. I’m not very handy, anyway. Doesn’t seem too offensive.

3. You shall not take the name of LORD your God in vain – Um, I guess I can stick to that shit without getting my feelings hurt. (Shit doesn’t count, right?)

4. Remember the Sabbath, keep it holy – We all kind of enjoy the weekends off, which was established to remember that Sabbath. I am sure that crazy lady that found the plaque so intolerable liked a nice Sunday off.

5. Honor your mother and father – I’ve got this one covered, I love my parents. Doesn’t seem that difficult.

6. You shall not murder – Yeah, let’s not murder. That seems like it’s not too religious being that it’s also a law.

7. You shall not commit adultery – Hmmm … adultery. Well, I watch a lot of ID Channel and number 7 leads to a lot of cases of number 6, so it’s pretty much a wise choice. It also leads to huge attorney fees in divorce court. So, that just seems like some practical advice.

8. You shall not steal – Also, I agree. Don’t take my shit. (We already agreed that doesn’t break rule number 3)

9. You shall not bear false witness on your neighbor – This also seems solid. Don’t talk shit on people. (Again, we agreed that wasn’t in violation of number 3)

10. You shall not covet – Again, seems like some sound advice. Wanting what others have could easily lead to stealing shit or adultery .. which could then lead to murder … it’s a vicious cycle. Enjoy the shit you have and don’t worry about what others have. (We have established that shit does not violate anything)

Yet, the sign is now gone and we flashforward 10 years and it seems like EVERYTHING is offensive. They just made some kind of rule that we should avoid gender language like mother, father … I think also hamster, egg, pickle, plum, groundhog … I stopped listening because their absurdity creates this weird ringing in my ears and sudden onset ADD, where I am actually trying to listen to what they are saying but I start grocery shopping in my head halfway through it.

Where does this end?

Do they even realize how insane they look to the average American? Just when I think the pendulum of crazy has swung to its maximum height, some guy says “Awomen” at the end of a prayer before Congress. Um, dude … if there was separation of Church and State, why are you even praying at all?????? Someone call the angry Ten Commandments lady!! They are PRAYING in a public building! That really should have made her interrupt her nightly flag burning and saging ritual and spoke up. But, no … crickets from her.

What are they solving in all of this? The “left” seems to think that by “sanitizing” all language and ripping down structures and chiseling off plaques that have been there for 100’s of years is going to change things. (By the way, what I use to remember who is left and right politically is that old rhyme, “lefty – screwy loosey, righty – tighty with money. Try it, it helps.)

This is what the left seems to not understand — the true evils that exist in man that cannot ever be legislated away. You can’t legislate what exists in the hearts and minds of man. Their job is to put laws in place that can help prevent or make that harder to be successful. You fix absolutely nothing by ripping plaques down or banning the term mother. You don’t rip away racism, sexism, any -ism by doing this. Quite frankly, you do more harm because you make it all look like a joke.

And, something tells me the local crazy lady that couldn’t simply walk by The Ten Commandments sign on the high school without “being offended”, feels no better today than she does ten years ago. She is probably talking to her cats right now, switching stations between CNN and MSNBC trying to figure out which word, plaque or statue offends her next and screaming, “tear down that SHIT”! (She can say it because she never read number 3 because it hurt her liberal eyeballs too much to look at it)

Does no one find it ironic that at a time in history when we are supposed to be evolving into a more loving and tolerant society; that the hate is so palpable in the air that it makes it harder to breath than any mask does?

The clashes between “liberals” and “conservatives” make me often wonder if the person on the street espousing each term even knows the actual definition. It seems almost elitist to ask that question. Yet, I have watched the Man on the Street interviews, like Jay Leno’s “Jaywalking” and what most found as entertaining; I found profoundly disturbing.

Perhaps in a time when we are choosing to rip one another to shreds over “ideals”; we make certain we know what they are.

I am a Conservative. It seems a term that gets launched at me like it is some kind of insult. But, Conservatism, as defined is the holding of political views that favor free enterprise, private ownership, and socially traditional ideas. I believe deeply that a free market economy and businesses unencumbered by crippling government restrictions leads to a better outcome for our country. I like smaller government. I am a patriot to this country, I believe that our Constitution was one of the most amazing documents produced and that all Amendments should be considered and protected. As a single mother, I believe that (although difficult), that two parents (regardless of gender) being involved in the rearing of children produces the best result. I believe education is tantamount to success, whether college or trade school because all children are not “book smart”. I believe our borders need protected, but all that want to come here legally should as it is the bedrock of how we were founded.

Does this make me worthy of hate? In any of those beliefs am I saying that I hate you or want your rights taken away?

Now, let’s talk about Liberalism. I look at definition 1 and it makes me chuckle a bit. Do any of you know any current self-identifying liberals that respect and accept the behavior and opinions different from their own? Seriously … do you know ONE? So, let’s skip to the political definition. It seems like we have free enterprise in common. Since Conservatives also believe in the Constitution; I feel like we could agree that individual rights and civil liberties are, you know, pretty much the gist of the entire thing. And, democracy (NOT SOCIALISM) is something both groups should want.

So?????? Exactly why are we fighting?

Someone has changed the definitions on you, haven’t they?

ALL “Conservatives” are racist, redneck, dumb, capitalist pigs that want everyone to be a Christian, straight, and wholesome. Right????

ALL “Liberals” are snowflake, pedophiles that kill babies, hate this country, want everything for free and burn stuff. Right?????

Even as I write that statement about Liberals, the “Conservative” in me goes, yeah … yeah … that sounds about right. But, I know I am wrong. The problem is, I believe we are ALL wrong. When I repeatedly tell people to “wake up”, I know they can’t hear me because the phrase and the term “woke” has been more overused than the word “surge” in this current climate we are all in.

I truly believe that the Democrats could not come up with a candidate that was going to match Trump’s popularity with his followers. A very, clear political decision was made years ago that “if we can’t find someone they LOVE more than Trump, then we must make people HATE Trump enough to vote against him.” And, the nightmare began.

I would get ready for work every morning with the local news on in the background and then it would flip to Good Morning America. I had to leave at 7:10 and would jokingly time my departure by their opening teaser that was always this, “Trump sucks, the weather suck OR the weather sucks, Trump sucks (depending on if there was a hurricane). “Oh crap, they are on Trump sucks and I still have the rollers in my hair! Time to hustle!”

It became a joke to me that quickly became less and less funny. Then, it became scary and tragic.

They were filling the hate cup so deep that I watched as it started to spill over on to ordinary people. The narrative of Trump being an evil, racist, liar wasn’t enough — the people that liked him started feeling the same wrath. I sadly watched as people I knew well and were “liberals” become radicalized and without a shred of self-awareness that it was happening. They felt justified in their now personal attacks on people. “It was for the greater good.” But, it so clearly wasn’t for any good purpose.

Those constant attacks, fueled by COVID and then the riots in the street that no one wanted to name … ANTIFA, say it … they DO exist, they aren’t a “thought” for the love of all things sacred! All of this started to create extremists on the other side. There was no “middle” anymore. There was no “fringe” anymore. Even I felt like a “side” had to be taken. Hate doesn’t leave much wiggle room for the grey areas, not today, not now, not anymore.

And now, here we are … on the precipice of what feels like divide so wide and so tenuous that one wrong move may plunge us deep into the darkness of the words I won’t write for fear of censorship; the words that will turn American against American. AMERICAN against AMERICAN. And, if you are going to stand on that mound to fight, don’t do it over terms you cannot even define yourself as, terms that are nowhere near as far apart as what this divide is.

You will be doing it because some political operative somewhere believed that sowing hate would win an election. That’s it. And, I KNOW the brainwashed never want to admit they are, but you are. So, when I say “wake up”, it isn’t this slight little nudge or a shake of your shoulder. It is me grabbing at both your arms, screaming on the top of my lungs before that one, thing happens that we ALL know is coming, “WAKE UP!!! PLEASE, WAKE UP!!!”

If you don’t wake up, you are going to let hate win. I fear it already has.